You knew it wasn’t a horseless carriage so now we learn the six beasts that are in harness and evidently are Lucifera’s primary counsellors despite being completely subservient. But as we read, they are also the personification of sins.
But this was drawne of six vnequall beasts,
On which her six sage Counsellours did ryde,
Taught to obay their bestiall beheasts,
With like conditions to their kinds applyde:
Of which the first, that all the rest did guyde,
Was sluggish Idlenesse the nourse of sin;
Vpon a slouthfull Asse he chose to ryde,
Arayd in habit blacke, and amis thin,
Like to an holy Monck, the seruice to begin.
The first Sin is Idleness, riding on a slothful ass and looking like a monk. If I recall my English history, monks were not receiving any support from the English monarchy about this time and you know how distrustful those Catholics were (Lucifera and her minions are therefore linked to Rome, which makes them the bad guys):
And in his hand his Portesse still he bare,
That much was worne, but therein little red,
For of deuotion he had little care,
Still drownd in sleepe, and most of his dayes ded;
Scarse could he once vphold his heauie hed,
To looken, whether it were night or day:
May seeme the wayne was very euill led,
When such an one had guiding of the way,
That knew not, whether right he went, or else astray.
From worldy cares himselfe he did esloyne,
And greatly shunned manly exercise,
From euery worke he chalenged essoyne,
For contemplation sake: yet otherwise,
His life he led in lawlesse riotise;
By which he grew to grieuous malady;
For in his lustlesse limbs through euill guise
A shaking feuer raignd continually:
Such one was Idlenesse, first of this company.
You might think Spenser is writing about a member of the US House of Representatives but as great as he was, even Edmund Spenser could not imagine a less useful waste of sentient (arguably) beings. Besides, tea wasn’t even introduced to England until the mid-17th century so the concept of tea-bagging probably wasn’t in Spenser’s repertoire.